Jake’s Fairy Tale


Once upon a time, there was the Magical Post of Acupuncture.  And the Magical Post of Acupuncture was set far beyond Plausibility land, because the Magical Post of Acupuncture was set in the land of “We will cure any ills”, a land reserved for the most beautiful and implausible of things.

And then one day, the Magical Post of Acupuncture was tied to Bungee Chords from the Realm of Reality!  And that day, the magical implausible people of the land of make believe waved goodbye as the Magical Post of Acupuncture was drawn into the land of “Health Supplement”.  The magical land of health supplement was special because nothing had to have any real effect.  Since no one made any claims that could be tested in the Realm of Reality, the power’s held by the super-special Bungee Chords from the Realm of Reality would have no more pulling strength, because they could only pull on tangible things, and no tangible things existed in the land of Supplement.

But then, one day a man who lived in the land of Supplement decided that he was unhappy with his house.  “It looks like The Plaza of Real Cures for Things has swimming pools made of chocolate in it’s back-yard!” he proclaimed, staring over a fence from the land of supplement to the Plaza, many hectares away.  “I want to move there!”  But then he saw that between the plaza and the land, there was the realm of Reality.  “Surely,” he shouted, “Surely there is something tangible in my Magical Acupuncture Post that can survive the Realm of Reality.”

So the man attached “pain relief” to the magical post, and it slowly began inching its way over the Fires of Peer Review towards the Realm of Reality and the Plaza of Real Cures For Things beyond it.

The Fires of Peer Review were hot and dangerous.  They licked at the pain relief hook with derision!  “This is ridiculous” they seemed to say.  “Test after test indicates that this has no effect outside of one of the Placebo Nature,” they would say if someone asked and they had the ability to vocalize their thoughts.  “Plus, it has the potential to spread hepatitis!  And puncture lungs!”

The Magical Pole of Acupuncture became shorter and shorter, swiftly burning from both ends.  Until LA Times, the Magical Firefighter swooped in and proclaimed that a new study had shown that acupuncture helped make painkillers work better.  And this made no sense to the fires of peer review.  It was almost as though the firefighter would soon say that he had a pill which helped water hydrate or made homeopathy more retarded.  And then the firefighter became Spider-Man, and he grabbed the pole in his arms, swooped away, and they had lots of stupid babies.  And then they shared Hep C and died  The end.


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One Response to “Jake’s Fairy Tale”

  1. Melissa Says:

    Now THAT is funny!! Priceless ending, bravo!! 🙂

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