I think I’m gonna be a Psychic

by

Millions of our fellow citizens are currently embracing their psychics in an attempt to escape the crushing weight of our current recession.  Maybe it’s time for me to get in on the action?

Stop, my friends, stop!  Put down your sharpened sticks, uncock your arms before a single rounded rock flies!  I do not intend to be a “traditional” psychic.  The Skeptic Psychic will be agnostic on all his predictions.

Q – “Will my stocks turn around before I want to retire?”
A – Perhaps.

Q – “Will I ever find the man I’ll love forever?”
A – Well… I’m single.

Q – “Will my children, just now graduating college, be able to find work?”
A – Yes.  We must simply adjust our expectations so that we consider being a bum to be “work”.

But the Skeptic Psychic will be more than simply a giver of false hope and taker of coffers.  I will be definite on what I can!  Dispensing such wisdom as:

–    The sun will appear to rise tomorrow.  Probably.
–    My vision is telling me you will avoid burns by turning off the stove before you put your hand on the burner!
–    No loving god will allow the Red Sox to win another World Series!

To add to my fantastic answers to questions and the pearls of wisdom I’ll simply throw at their feet, the Skeptic Psychic will play all the old cold reading favorites.  Is this month significant to you, you’ve come to me because you’re worried about something, all that great stuff.  But of course, every time I’m right, I’ll expect my customers to spontaneously burst into applause.  Maybe I’ll even get one of those old lights!

What do you think?  Good idea?  I put on my Skeptic Psychic hat and asked myself that in the mirror.  His answer?  “I foresee an outcome.”
Who’s ready to be my first customer?

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One Response to “I think I’m gonna be a Psychic”

  1. mjr256 Says:

    And it doesn’t hurt to shake an imaginary magic 8 ball and use responses like:

    “Outlook not so good,” or “Ask again later.”

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